


Selfish

by knifepyjamas



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Graphic Description, M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, Suicide, Yikes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knifepyjamas/pseuds/knifepyjamas
Summary: They said... they said they wanted him dead. Who was he to selfishly deny them of that.





	Selfish

He deserved it. He deserved all of it. He deserved _this_.  
He deserved the pain, the warm blood pooling beneath him, the disgust flooding his body. He was doing everybody a favour. 

They said... they said they wanted him dead. Who was he to selfishly deny them of that. Though, he couldn't control the tears- the stupid, selfish tears- that poured from him. He couldn't control the ugly, pathetic sobs that were choked from his throat.

He thought of how he ended up here.

Earlier that day, he entered his apartment, barely holding off tears. He'd fucked up. He fucked up so bad. He got people _killed_. Everyone hated him. Everyone wanted to see him _dead_. And he agreed. He deserved to be nothing but a fucking disgusting, rotted corpse.

He was selfish when he did it. He had walked slowly into the kitchen and hesitated in front of a drawer. Tears streamed down at the thought of opening it, pulling out a knife. At the thought of pressing the knife against his skin and feeling it slice open his flesh as he dragged the metal point across his wrist. He took out the knife anyway.

From there, he dragged himself into the bathroom, selfish, guilty terror making him nauseous. If this is what everyone wanted, if this was what _he_ wanted, why was he so... scared.

He stood in the bathroom for a long time. His hands trembled. The knife felt heavier. He couldn't steady his breathing. He couldn't push down the dread. This was it. This was it. This was it.

Pain. Blood. He barely processed it. He was so dizzy and disgusted. Nothing felt real. He saw the bottom of the cabinet and the floor tiles, but he didn't remember falling. This was it.

Now, he heard a noise outside. At least, he thought he did. It was the worst possible voice, one that would give him neither comfort nor guilt. Was he... saying his name? The bathroom doorknob rattled.

"Octavian? Why are you crying? Let me in, please."

He only cried harder. Go away go away go away goaway.

Electricity. The door burst open. Jason's concern gave way to dread.

"Octavian! Holy shit, Octavian!"

Jason kept talking, but he didn't hear it. He felt hands against him as his vision began to fade. In one last selfish move, he grabbed Jason's hand


End file.
